1 post tagged “grandma boyer”

The year was 1992.  It was a hopeless one for me.  I had already lived the life of a hundred bad souls.  I had a beautiful little 8 year old daughter and a wonderful, caring soul mate and lover.  It didn't much matter to me though.  I was a 98 pound anorexic who had one foot in the grave.  I had a lot to live for, in hindsight, but it wasn't enough to push me into the land of the living.  I wanted to die.  There were several reasons that I felt this way, even if it was only a subconscious feeling.  I won't go into that now because that's not the purpose of this post. 

I had been told years before this that I would never have another baby besides the one that I already had.  I was trying to make myself feel blessed because I knew I was lucky to have such a perfect child.  I'd always wanted a big family though.  I wanted Amber to have brothers or sisters and maybe even both.  Amber was so lonely and nothing I could do seemed to make much of a difference.  Maybe I just didn't fill that void in her life.  I'd gotten pregnant a few times after she was born but I wasn't able to carry those babies past a few months.  It didn't completely devestate me until I had a miscarriage when she was 7.  Then the reality of her being an only child set in.  I was in an awesome relationship with the most wonderful man and he didn't have children.  He said it didn't matter to him, that Amber was enough.  He enjoyed being a father to her and she was his own, as far as he was concerned.  We loved him so much for this.  His family also made Amber their own but I knew that secretly they'd all be so happy with a baby of their own.

It was the summer of 1992.  We were in Maine visiting my future husbands family.  I was too sick to enjoy Maine much.  I'd already missed my period for the fourth month.  That wasn't too unusual for me though.  Again, I was anorexic and not in good health.  I don't know what made me finally take that pregnancy test.  Maybe a little voice.  The excitement that Mike and I felt when we got the news that it was positive created a high that I haven't felt since!  I went to the doctor shortly after that and it was confirmed that I was nearly 4 months pregnant!  My baby would be born 9 years after Amber but at least I was getting another chance to be a mommy.  Maybe this time, because I was older (27), I could do it right and enjoy every second.

I never had a doubt that my baby would actually be born.  Everyone else did though.  There were problems.  I started bleeding during my fourth month and that's always a sign of miscarriage.  I don't know why I didn't feel worried.  I just didn't.  My mom didn't want me to get too excited.  She didn't want me to be let down if I lost the baby.  She'd cringe every time I brought a new baby item home or prematurely bought matenity clothes.  She wasn't comfortable until my Grandma, who was dying of cancer at the time, shared her premonition that Jesus told her to tell me that my baby was going to be ok.  Grandma hadn't even been told that I was pregnant at that time.  I wasn't married and she was a very strict Catholic.  We just didn't think she needed the news that I'd screwed up once again.  Besides that, I wasn't healthy and we didn't want to worry her.  I'll never forget the day she called me and Mike into her bedroom.  She placed her hand on my belly and told me that Jesus told her that I wass pregnant and he wanted her to tell me that I was going to be just fine and so was the baby.  I burst into tears.  She grabbed Mike's hand and told him that she KNEW he'd be a wonderful father.  She'd seen him with Amber and she thanked him for his big heart.  It was going to make dying easier with her knowing that I would be taken care of.

The months went by and I still had several pregnancy related problems, like toxemia and placenta previa.  Both of which could have killed me or my baby.  The first ultrasound that I had though, showed an itty bitty baby bouncing off the wals of my uteris.  Literally bouncing from one wall to the other.  I just didn't feel like something that vibrant could die!  The second ultrasound I had showed a baby bouncing and sucking her thumb.  I couldn't believe this was really going to happen.  I was scared but maybe too stupid to be THAT scared.  The doctors kept trying to prepare me for the possibility that I could lose this baby.  Toward the end of my pregnancy I had a dream.  My grandmother had already died at this point.  In my dream, she was rocking a baby in a very old rocking chair on a cloud.  The baby was swaddled so much that I couldn't really see it.  When I approached Grandma and asked her what she was doing, she told me that she was taking care of my baby.  She uncovered the baby's head to reveal the most beautiful dark curly hair.  I couldn't see anything else but the hair.  I tried to grab the baby from my grandma but she said that there would be plenty of time for me to hold the baby.  I'd have her for the rest of my life but these last few months God wanted Grandma to take care of the baby and love her for me until it was time that she entered the world.

On March 4 1993, I was admitted into the hospital for emergency induction.  I had my beautiful baby girl at 12:52 a.m. on March 5, 1993.  YES, she had the most beautiful dark curly hair, just like Grandma had shown me in my dream!  She came out screaming and flipping herself out of the doctor's hands, almost onto the cold hard floor.  The nurse caught her right before she hit!  When they weighed her, she flipped herself off the scale like a little fish.  I could hear one of the nurses saying to another nurse "Catch her...  We've got a WILD one here!".  I thought to myself, "Oh my GOD!  What have I gotten myself INTO?!". 

At the exact second of her birth, our little radio was playing "The Rain" by The Cult.  I heard The Cult sing "I've been waiting, for HER, for so long.  Open up the sky and let the rain - fall down". 

"For this child we prayed and the Lord has given us our petition which we asked of him.  So we have dedicated her to the Lord; as long as she shall live, she is dedicated to the Lord" 1 Samuel 1:27-28

Happy 15th Birthday Danielle Elizabeth!  You have been one of the BIGGEST blessings that God has blessed me with.  I can only pray to be as good of a mother to you as you've been a daughter to me!

Danielle giving me my birthday gift

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Should Have Been A Cowboy Danielle

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