Hotel de la St. Anthony's
Since yesterday, after all the big happenings with Savannah, I've been throwing up more blood than I've EVER seen. Today, I had to be scoped again. The good doc caurterized the bleeding again but was VERY firn about me NOT leaving the hospital until I have corrective surgery. I won't be able to live without this surgery to remove more of my intestines and my stomach. The feeding tube is seriously being discussed. I may not have a lot of options because my surgeon who's perfomed all of my previous surgeries says that he won't be doing it this time,. I'm too high risk. My hope is that he and the gastro doc get together and figure out something that they can compromise on. It's hard for us (Amber and Mom are here too) to hear that I'm basically supposed to die like this because there are no more options. I'm calling the social worker, here at the hospital tomorrow, in order to find out other hospital options and help. I want to go to the MAYO clinic to talk to a surgeon if my own, very good, trauma surgeon won't do it. I can't believe they say I'm a fatality risk. I guess I'm just supposed to wait til this kills me? NOT!!!
Everyone here is pretty scared. The amount of blood loss that I've sustained is significant. I think they're going to try to keep me here until someone does the surgery (according to the gastro doc), It's too risky for me to leave here either. Soooo... I don't know when I'll be home. I don't have a private room this time.
I don't mind admitting that this is scaring the crap out of me. This time I've been the sickest that I've been since this has started 2 years ago. IF they agree to do the surgery, it will be a complicated surgery (and that's understating it). I only know that I can't keep coming here to stay at my hospital hotel every other week.
Please pray for me and my kids and my family. They kind of like me a lot and the kids are terrified. We just need to get something done and quickly.
Comments
Shell-
Is it okay if I tell you I am crying right now? You are really in my heart, girl. It goes without saying that I will pray for you and your family. I just did. And will absolutely continue to do so. Prayer and hope are powerful and you have tons of both on your side.
Love and hugs,
Tami
I just found this online and wanted to share with you:
Sorry. You need the best of the best of the best. You've built up a truck load of karma and every single person you've touched in your life and on places like vox are going to be pulling for you. I am going to be praying for you and I don't use that term lightly. I don't think God's given up on me yet, and he just might listen. Because this time, it's for someone wonderful, that I've never even met in person.
You are truly pure light in this world. You aren't destined to go out like this. So I know I'm not the only one to say you are in good hands, and not just the doctor's.
I wish you the best right now... and pray for some calm and healing for you, and your family.
Oh Tam, this poem s perfect! I have so much hope. I've never lost it even when they tell me I should be hopeless. Nothing is ever hopeless when you have God on your side. It is possible that he could cure me completely even if the doctors give up all hope. I think God does these kind of miracles to show people that he's still around if they only had faith, you know?
Of course, you have me crying too. That's something I rarely do. This time is different. Thank you SO much for your prayers for me and my family. Amber needs it more than any of us do. She's so angry right now and so afraid. I've been her mother but also another chuld growing up and being raised along side her. So she can't imagine life without me. She's really struggling with this. So thank you and ((HUGS))
Netta, I really don't even feel like this is real. I feel like maybe they got my diagnosis switched with someone elses. I always have so much hope. I so tough that I really think everything is going to be fine. I just have to find a good surgeon. My old surgeon was good, even great but I can't blame him for not wanting to deal with me. He wants to retire with no fatalities while he was on the clock, you know? I still have to talk to him tomorrow and see what the real scoop is. I didn't even get to talk to him today. Mom did. She could have misunderstood something.
You are all very special to me too! I feel like I've known you all of my life and that we've always been friends. I'll let Ben or Amber know to call you and let you know what's up even if I can't.
Thank you for praying so hard for me and the girls. You're a pretty powerful person and I know God will listen to you! lol You just remind me so much of me. Tell you mom thank you from the bottom of my heart and that I love them like they were my second parents. Thanks for telling Granny too. I'm pretty sure Katherine doesn't even know. Ben doesn't tell her everything.
Oh THANK you Darren! God Bless you for being so kind to me and for all of your prayers. I could sure use every single prayer I can get. I think at this point, prayer is the only thing that will matter.
I wrote down your IM addy. I never IM people anymore because I could get too wrapped up in it and it tends to take ALL my time. I don't get anything else done then. lol If I'm layed up in this hospital for very much longer, I may set up and IM though. I'll not have too much to do here:-)
Oh Tom! You've made me laugh with your blogs SO HARD these past few days. That's a blessing to me to be able to laugh! I haven't lost my sense of humor! lol
Thank you for what you just said. That means so much to me. Now I see the caring man, not just the funny man.
I feel truly blessed to have such great friends on vox and in real life. You're right when you say that I'm worried for my family. It makes me sick with worry. Especially my oldest daughter. She's not taking it well at all. Thank you for saying a prayer:-)
((HUGS))
WOW! You've made me tear up too! You have an amazing way of making me feel loved right now. I KNOW God will listen to you. I think you'd have pretty much pull with him, from what I know. I'll take your prayers and run with them. Thank you just doesn't seem like enough to say to you. But it's all I have:-) I'm just so blessed to have gotten to know all of you as well as I have.
No, I don't think I'm destined to go out like this either. I just don't feel like they're right. I don't think any doctor can say for sure that something is completely hopeless. It seems counter productive to me - back asswards! lol
((HUGS))
Outside of prayer, the best thing I can offer is a scripture.
Philippians 4:6,7: Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
I'll ask everyone at the service tonight to pray for you, too. Tonight's service is all about being brought into darkness and back into life, and if that isn't YOUR story I don't know whose it is! (Other than Christ, of course, but you're his dear one, so there you go.)
(((HUGS)))
I wish there was something I could do to make it all better.
You and your family are in my thoughts, too. You're one of the strongest people I've ever met and I know you're scared (which is totally understandable) but I'm not scared for you. I know you can get through this.
We love you. :)
And I second Carol's request for blog updates.
Can't wait to hear that you're okay so I can shriek with joy (and scare Sammy).
Sorry to hear how bad of shape you're in. I was really looking forward to seeing you at Dwayne's on Sunday and for you to see the egg hunt (which may not happen anyway because of the weather). I guess we'll have to visit you at the hotel instead. We are planning to leave Saturday afternoon and arrive late evening. What is the latest hour you would like visitors? If it's too late, we can visit Sunday.
I'm still praying for you!
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Huggggs
we all love you
That's so cool about your candle! Thank you SO much for keeping me in your prayers. They're working. I got some good news today. My blood counts are going higher so I won't have to have another transfusion. God is listening to all of the prayers and I'm so thankful:-)
((HUGS))
You have no idea how timely that scripture is right now. My husband is so frustrated because he wants God to do things quickly and on his time, not God's. There's a reason for all of this and God will take care of it on his time, one way or another. Patience is a true virtue.
Thank you so very much for your prayer and your scripture. I'm going to let my husband read this.
Michelle, i can't help but wonder if another hospital and doctor could do more
for you. don't give up and explore all your options! You never know what
somebody else might be able to do for you. we'll keep you AND everyone
who loves you in our prayers. prayer is an amazing and powerful thing!
keep us posted.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You (and your family) are in my thoughts.
Yahoo for the increasing blood counts!
Email me your current email address. I have been sending you emails, but I don't think you are getting them.
to admit that you're scared is a true sign of bravery. everything that you have gone through, you have been strong and courageous and i commend you on that.
i hope and i pray that you will recover soon and safely.
*hugz, smilez, & lots of luv*
:)